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Reality... it Often Times Sucks
...and for me, shit's already broken and seemingly irreparable
I’ve given some pretty glum updates, as of late. They’re not the updates I want to give, but I also don’t want to skirt around what is going on, and the real difficulties I have been facing. I created this Substack to chronicle the development and creative process behind the Barbarians of the Storm books, as well as other associated projects. So, I should be honest and lay out what’s going on, as it directly affects my overall creativity.
Writing about things often times allows me to process those things much better. So, maybe I’ll find some sort of hope or clearer path at the end of this.
The real job has been killing me lately. So much so, that I am dealing with the worst burnout I’ve felt since my entire department quit and I alone had to work tirelessly to prevent my company from being derailed by the FDA barging into my industry. I also faced major burnout when the next generation also quit while my mom was incredibly ill and then died a few months later. Since then, no one else has been hired and everything has been on my shoulders, other than some of things that are given to an outside agency. But those things are still managed by me, overall.
I’ve worked in a highly toxic environment for a long ass time. I’ve also known this for a long ass time. I’ve dealt with it because I like what I do and there are actually some freedoms that come with the job that I have enjoyed greatly. It’s been a balancing act for years of what’s acceptable and what is not. As of late, I’m at my breaking point and I think that I already passed it. The long history of details isn’t important.
I’ve had a solid exit strategy for some time, but it requires me to hold on for at least another year or so. I just can’t do it, at this point.
The reason why I have worked so damn hard on writing books, building and expanding on the Barbarians of the Storm IP and Talking Pulp Press as a concept, is because I wanted to create an ironclad foundation to keep building on. Things like that don’t happen overnight, and there is still a lot that needs to be done to achieve the dream. I’m just so fucking exhausted… all the time.
It also doesn’t help that my very successful strategies of growth have been a lot less effective since the last book came out, but I went into detail on all that in the post Barbarians of the Boom & Bust.
So, I wrote my resignation. I haven’t sent it… but I wrote it. I don’t have a backup plan in the current moment, and that’s the problem. However, I don’t know how I can keep going. Ultimately, I have a lot on my plate and the only thing I feel any sort of passion for is continuing to build up my own thing. I also don’t want to let anyone down who has invested in the Barbarians of the Storm books because really, they have invested in me.
I’m just really fucking stuck, the future is uncertain, and my current situation is hindering the dream. But for those who have supported me and been in my corner, I felt like I needed to be open, honest, and explain where my mental and creative state is at.
The mounting anxiety of my current situation makes it damn near impossible to focus on the stories I want to write. I know what they are and where they need to go, my mind just becomes overwhelmed with negative, pessimistic thoughts. I’m trying hard not to be black-pilled by life, but fuck, man…
I should’ve married the rich girl.