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Life Has Been a F'n Bear, Lately
...but who's complaining?! I'm not complaining!
I’m tired, bruhs.
I’ve said this in more recent posts, I think. However, my brain is sludge and too many things in my real life keep taking a dump on it. My real world job has me insanely busy and draining all the creative juices I can squeeze out of my mind.
Granted, I’m uninspired, unmotivated, and frankly, fucking annoyed with how things are going with this year’s biggest projects. This is due to the how they are being managed and handled by those above me, and the fact that as important as these projects are and as much as the bosses demand updates, none of them are helping the process and are, in fact, impeding it at every turn.
I deal with this every year, but this year has been much worse for whatever reason. Or maybe, I’m just so over it that I’m letting it affect me too deeply. Maybe I should only care as much as they seem to. It isn’t my company and I have no real equity in it, even after twenty-plus years. My two decades of loyalty is overlooked and not matched in any way, and I’m being pushed towards absolute burnout. And yes, I’ve stated this to them, but they just look at me like it’s my problem.
The only silver lining, I guess, is that writing is where I find solace. While my head feels like it is being buttfucked by hammers during real job working hours, my time working on stories allows me to breathe and re-center myself. It’s my sanctuary from the insanity that is my “career”.
Admittingly, I have wondered if the real world bullshit is having a negative impact on my writing. As I proofread and edit the project I am currently working on, and have had other eyes look at it and give me feedback, I would say that the answer is “no”. I seem to still be hitting my mark. Although, that’s not to say that certain emotions aren’t working their way into the narrative and shaping the tone.
At the end of the day, writing and creating things I am passionate about is the path I need to be on for my own mental health and overall long-term survival. I’m trying like hell to make it happen, I bust my ass, but it is a long grind. Luckily, things seem to be on a good trajectory. However, there are other things I want to include into the larger umbrella of what Talking Pulp Press needs to be.
I need to start streaming as myself, but also, I have delved deep into the VTubing space, as of late, and I want to employ some of that into the bigger picture of what I’m doing. Also, that world has sort of given me some additional solace, as real life bullshit keeps obstructing my path to a more fruitful and fulfilling existence.
I don’t want to elaborate too much on the VTubing concept I need to build yet, as it is pretty unique. But, I think it is an interesting one and something that will stand out on its own. Ultimately, I think that it will help Talking Pulp Press and the Barbarians of the Storm IP, as it continues to evolve.
I just have so much on my plate, dude. It is all obtainable, though. I just have to keep pushing forward and build my own thing. It will take time and a lot more hard work, but when I am working for myself and towards my own goals, it doesn’t feel like work on most days. Maybe that has something to do with the equity I have in it.
Substack is something I’ve had a hard time keeping up with, lately, but the time I have to write needs to be dedicated to one specific story that must be finished relatively quickly. It has a deadline, but I want to ensure that it is the best possible work I can offer for what it is going into. More on that when I am given the okay to discuss it. I don’t want to spoil anything prematurely, as it involves other people. I will have a lot to say on it in time, though.
Additionally, I am setting up a Patreon. It isn’t live yet but it will be there for those who want to support my projects and the larger form that Talking Pulp Press is going to take. I will elaborate on this further, as well, once I have everything sort of planned out better. I just wanted to mention that it was in the works.
For now, I guess that’s it. Let me get back to having my skull buttfucked by hammers.